Pain is subjective, so I often brag about how blasé I am about it. But, obviously, that’s not 100 percent true. Suffering is just so on-brand for me, so if I say “this is hurting” it’s me announcing that I’m going through something. Nobody really cares. But I guess I do since pain and injury are how I keep track of my life.
Visits to urgent cares and emergency rooms are yearly events for me, whether it’s for a mysterious break out of fever blisters, a sprained ankle, chest contractions, accidental smoke inhalation (lmao), an embarrassingly placed cyst, strep that’s festered for a week, a Vegas injury, et cetera. They all come with different levels of discomfort, but eventually they disappear, leaving room for the next malady.
Any person who has or has had a uterus can tell you that that shit conditions you to push yourself through unbearable agonies because of things like menstrual cramps, endometriosis, or say childbirth. Any person who lacks spatial awareness (me), can say “ouch” when their hip bone hits the corner of the counter for the seventh time today, but that’s just a courtesy to themselves. Lower back pain can wake up with you every morning, but you just walk it off and bid it farewell until you meet again tomorrow.
There are some pains, however, that just want to take you out. A stubbed toe, perhaps, or a horrific, excruciating, awful, terrible toothache. I experienced the latter a couple of weeks ago after eating the MVP of the snack world: a blueberry PopTart. During the second hour of The Bachelor, a sudden throbbing hit, and moments later I was in my sister’s bedroom, half on the floor, groaning and near tears. Long story short: I’m getting my wisdom teeth extracted. I know I should’ve gotten them out years ago, I am an idiot.
Anyway, this toothache was trying to kill me, I’m convinced. I barely slept that night and the aching made me shiver. I felt embarrassed succumbing to the discomfort, though, which also kept me awake. I waited for that point where the pain becomes part of you, where your body accepts that this thing isn’t going away soon. I adopted this practice a few years ago when my joints decided to betray me. When I feel a little pain coming on, I disassociate and if it’s really that bad, there’s always a heating pad! But this wasn’t just a crank-that-shit-on-high-until-you-relax situation. I was on the verge of tears! I’m not a person that cries! I don’t let reality settle in!
Denial is fierce, isn’t it? It’s my main tool in ignoring the fact that my body is not what it used to be—it’s shocking when you realize you can’t truly control what’s going on inside. I could eat healthily, exercise (hahaha) and meditate all I want, but I’m still going to overwork myself, internalize stress and always eat the fries in front of me. And even then, something like a giant hole in your tooth can have you going from normal Sunday Scaries to what feels like the drama of a Grey’s Anatomy season finale.
Anyway, anyway, I’m fine now and I can’t wait until someone yanks out all my wisdom teeth. Please give me some post-op tips and soft food recommendations.
I promise that these newsletter updates won’t always be about my dumbass, but while we’re at it, here’s what I’m up to:
- I left my job and I’ll be promptly starting a new one.
- I’m reading A Swim in a Pond in the Rain and The Startup Wife.
- I’m still thinking about WandaVision and have watched quite a few Marvel movies in the last few weeks. I know it’s not the hottest of takes, but ok so??
- I can’t stop listening to my playlist, Nott’in Hill, which I made for a friend, so I guess I’m saying that I would love to curate a playlist for you if you want.
OK, BYE!
Love this!! Sending well wishes 4 ur extraction ♥️